Monday, May 4, 2009

मर्द

कभी- कभी सोचता हूँ
न होता मर्द औरत ही कोई होता
अब तक तो ब्याह के ले गया होता कोई
.....................
के अपने पैरों पर अपना वज़न अब और ढोया नहीं जाता
खलता है बहुत मुद्दत से बस यूँ होना
अपनी आहों में अपने ही दर्द का रोना
अपनी धड़कन में अपनी ही साँसों का खोना।
खलता है बहुत मुद्दत से बस यूँ होना ।
कभी- कभी सोचता हूँ
न होता मर्द औरत ही कोई होता
सौंप के ख़ुद को किसी के जिम्मे
अपने वजूद से हल्का हो गया होता.
बहुत भारी है ये मर्दानगी का पत्थर दोस्त!
उठाये नहीं उठता जब
रोने को जी चाहता है.
कभी- कभी सोचता हूँ
न होता मर्द औरत ही कोई होता
किसी काँधे पे सारी उम्र का दर्द
सिसक-सिसक के रो देता.
कभी- कभी सोचता हूँ
न होता मर्द......
झूठा है ये मर्दानगी का गुरूर दोस्त!
मर्द हो के क्या पाया हमने?
बदन से उठती महक-ऐ-शराब।
निकोटिन के पानी चढ़े स्याह लब
आँखों में नशे के शुर्ख रंग.
हर तरफ़ धुंध ही धुंध.
मैली आश्तीनें , गन्दी कॉलरें
खाली जेबों में भरी चिड़चिड़ाहट, कुंठा, अकेलापन
और ज़बान में गालीयों की मीठी खुजलाहट.
भद्दी बातें, नंगे ख़याल.
घर से निकलते रास्ते, रास्तों पे रास्ते
रास्ते दर रास्ते.
पर घर को लौटने से हिचकिचाते रास्ते.
एक नौकरी के वास्ते
कई ताने, कई फितरे.
मर्द हो के क्या पाया हमने?

कभी- कभी सोचता हूँ
न होता मर्द औरत ही कोई
बुहारता ऑगन, संवारता घर.
फूलदान में रखता हर रोज़ नए फूल
दोपहर भर गुनगुनाता गीत
रात के छूटे हुए होंठो पर.
सलवटे हटता बिस्तर की
मुस्कुराता
और हर बात से अनजान
दिन भर बस बेलबुटे काड़ा करता कुसन कवर पर.
शाम होते ही एक बार फ़िर संवार लेता ख़ुद को
देखता जी भर के आईने में.
मुड़- मुड़ के लौटती नज़र जब दरवाज़े पर
गीत शाम के बदल जाते होंठो पर.
पकाता खुशी किसी के लिए चूले में
और निवाला उसके हाथो से ख़ुद खाता .
बिस्तर में छूटी तंग आधी जगह ज़न्नत होती मेरे लिए
बाहें ओढ़ के किसी की बे-फ़िक्र सो जाता.
उठता सुबह तो रात का कुछ भी याद न होता
न हर दिन एक सवाल होता

'गीलें  बालो  की खुशबू से महकती सहर
मेरे पायल की रुनझुन से जगता पी का घर'
कभी- कभी सोचता हूँ
न होता मर्द औरत ही कोई होता.
अब तक तो ब्याह के ले गया होता कोई.

18 comments:

lalit said...

bahut badiya bada aacha khayal hai.

Puneet said...

Sirjee !!!!! kya baat hai....lage raho!!!

Prabhakar said...

bahut khoob dost....bahut khoob.

Aashish said...

i really like the honesty that's reflecting in the thought and writing. Good goin'.

Anonymous said...

Kiran sha said on this nazm:
ye kori laffazi si lagti hai...

ek jhooti si roomaniyat ko fantasize kiya gaya ho jaise

i am extremely sorry for that

main adhoori si ek nazam said...

Oh! It’s really an extreme reaction on some things like poetry, nazm or literary creation etc. It’s just a thought or feeling of someone in certain state of mind, it’s not a verdict in court, it just an imagination. It should not have hurt u. if hurts then problem is in somewhere else. May be u were in bed mood or influenced by something at that time u read all that. That are pure, natural, extempore feeling of mine. Mard ho kar aurat hone ka ye khayaal ek khoobsoor poetic ehsaas hai…jahan …kisi ko bahon mein lene ka ek maza hain. Vanhi kisi ki bahon mein tutane ka bhi anand hai.....aur main ye khwahis ki kisi ki bahun mein tutane ki mard ho kar….aur ye vakai khobshorat thi……kyun ki mard ho kar main ne apne kandhon mein kuch jyada vazan mehsoos kiya
Aur tab kisi roz ye khayal aaye ki kash na hota mard aurat hi koi hota....kisi kandhe pe saari umra ka dard ro deta ,kisi ki bahon mein toot jata…….aur tumne bari aasani se is sab ko kya kaha “ek jhooti roomaniyat ko fantasize kiya ho jase”….. “Ye kori laffazi

main adhoori si ek nazam said...

continue….. “Ye kori laffazi si lagti hai..” tumhe ye sab kori laffazi lagi. Sach aaj pehali baar tum se milne ko jee ho aaya ….tumhe dekhane ki ichha ho aai....... …..ki ye lafz jin labon se utare….un labon ka ek chehra hoga……vo chehara kaisa hoga?.........anyway….thank you.

Anonymous said...

kaagaz ki(kiran sha):
well.........I think i need some more time to rethink about your ideas.....I was in bad mood !! no way....whatever i felt, i just wrote, even reading it again and again was making me more upset ...I am sorry but I have never ever seen a women in my entire life as you have imagined that they are .....So for me it was fantasy more then an imagination , It's really true whatever u try to say about the pain of a male in our stereotypical and bias society, I agree but you are trying to find the relief in a world which is in a much more panic conditions .....It seems you have actually met or touched only a part of women's world but you have never empathized it.....................


To you I always try to give my honest opinions because I know you have the ability to see the things beyond this so called constructed reality...

jahan tak bahon mein tootne ki baat hai to wo ek aurat aur mard dono hi toot te hain.. uske ekdum natural aur purest form mein dekhein to wo ek mutually chalne wali cheez hai..khair aisa abh
romance ke is pehloo ko le kar bhi mujhe aapki soch bahut shallow lagi...kuch bhi kehna munasib nahi jis din is ehsaas se ru b ru hoongi ,sabse pehle aapke saamne admit karoongi to bhi aapse guzarish hai ki apni vyaktigat ichha ya soch ke daayre mein baaki mardon ko mat lapetiye kyunki jyadatar is se koson door hain...is soch ki paridhi se bahar hi nahi balki door door tak chit ke hue hain....aapki soch se aapatti nahi hai lekin usme sabke dard ko shamil karne ki aapatti hai .....ye to chatkhare lene jaisa ho gaya jyadatar ke liye...

khair aapne is saada se chehre ko dekhne ki khubsoorat khwaish jaahir ki...meherbaani...inshaallah jarur us mubarak din ka didaar hoga...aur by d way aapki nazm pe meri soch ki bhagidaari mein kai log hissa bane hain jinme aurtein aur mard dono hi shaamil hain aur unhone apne opinion sensibility aur sensitivity ke saath jyada diye hain.....

khair mujhe lagta hai ki aap ka jaroorat se jyada sensitive nature aapko haqeeqat se thoda door kar deta hai, shayad....jo bhi hai ..i

main adhoori si ek nazam said...

Dekho kiran mein ne pehale bhi kaha tha ki ye ek khas manodash mein man ke bheetar kisi kone mein zanmi ek khwahish hai. Meri viyaktigat khwahish. kabhi kabhi sochta hun main na hota mard aurat..(nazmki shuruaati lines).meine pehale bhi kaha tha it’s not a verdict in the court, it just a desire of one individual. Aur jo svanyam main hun…meine kahan par apni nazm mein baki mardon par apni ichha ya soch thopi hai. Aur aapka kehana hai ‘aapse guzarish hai ki apni vyaktigat ichha ya soch ke daayre mein baaki mardon ko mat lapetiye kyunki jyadatar is se koson door hain...is soch ki paridhi se bahar hi nahi balki door door tak chit ke hue hain....’
Ek baar phir keh raha hun ye ek khash mano dasha mein meri vyaktigat khwahish hai…kisi (jin mardon ki tune ne chinta zahir ki hai) ke liye koi nasihat nahi…..umeed hai apni upar likhi baton par tum phir se gaur kar nazm se ho kar guzarogi…toh shayad pa sako jo nazm ne kehana chaha……aage tune kaha hai ki....I am sorry but I have never ever seen a woman in my entire life as you have imagined that they are ...So for me it was fantasy more then an imagination.
You have never ever seen a woman as I have depicted……first thing I haven’t made any portray of any woman. Once again it’s just a feeling of mine. If I were a woman, I would like to be like this. You have never seen a woman who waits for her husband returning.
You have never seen a woman who sings herself in loneliness. You have never seen a woman who cooks desirable food for her husband. You have never seen a woman who wants to be look beautiful before her husband…if u have never seen a woman like this u have never seen yourself. Lines from nazm : buharta aagan sanvarta ghar.Fooldaan mein rakhata har roz naye fool Dopahar bhar gungunata geet Raat ke chhute hue hotho par Salvate hatata bistar ki Mushkurata……. ….Sham hote hi ek bhar pir sanvar leta khud ko Dekhta jeebhar ke aaine mein

main adhoori si ek nazam said...

mud-mud ke lautati nazar jab darwaze par Geet sham ke badal jate hotoh par.
pakata khushi kisi ke liye chuleh mein aur nivala pehla hamesha uske hatho se khud khata.

Remember!
It’s not my moral teaching or suggestion for the woman community that one woman should be like this……it is what I wish being a woman in certain state of mind. And they images, visuals, pictures, actions, posture that I have described in a woman’s life I have soaked from my entire past life with my mother, sister, relatives, women. Par tazzub hai tumne aisi aurat nahi dekhi ho sakta hai bahut munasib hai tumne ausi aurat hona kisi kimat na chaha ho aur because of that ur inside deny the existence of such kinds of women. …….. tum aage likhati ho ‘you are trying to find the relief in a world which is in a much more panic conditions .....It seems you have actually met or touched only a part of women's world but you have never empathized it’ toh Dost tume bata dun ki ye koi mahila udhhar ki ya purush swabhimaan ki kavita nahi ha ki main yahan mahilaon ke zeevan ke un pehaluo ko chhu un jin mein dard hai, mushkilen hain, shoshan hai. Ye mera khuli aankhon se dekha gaya khwab hai …tum batao koi kyun kar chahate hue aise khwab dekhe ki vo aurat ho aur use dahej ke liye jalya jaye. Ki vo aurat ho aur us ka sexual harassment kiya jai, ki vo aurat ho aur us ke upar zulm hon. Maine jo khoobsoorat hai ho chaha hai ek aurat ho kar. Main ne aurat ho kar kisi ki bahon mein khud ko bhaarheen hote hue mehasoos karna chaha hai. Ab yaha par iske ye mani na samjhen jaiye ki aurat ki zindagi mein koi zimmedari hi nahi bas purush ke bahon ki bhar heenta ka sukh hi hai jaise jeene ke liye. Maine aurat hona chaha ki mein nach sakun dhyan rahe ki meri nazaron mein nach sirf aurat sakti hai mard nahi. Maine aurat hona chaha ki mein phool ho sakun dhyan rahe ki meri nazaron mein phool sirf aurat ho sakti hai mard nahi.

main adhoori si ek nazam said...

Maine aurat hona chaha ki main prem kar sakun dhyan rahe ki meri nazaron mein prem sirf aurat kar sakti hai mard nahi. (prem pane ke wqkt ek purush pehale apne bheetar aurat ho chukka hota hai). Maine mard hokar aurat hona chaha kai khoobsoorat vazahon se.pira ki liye nahi. Aur pira ke liye koi kyun kuch hona chahe…. tum na samjhogi ki maine aurat hona kyun chaha
Aur aurat hokar kisi ki bahon mein tutane mein aur purush ho kar kisi ko aapni bahon mein bharne mein ek antar hain. par ise mehasoos karne ke liye samvedanao ke ek unche shikhar par hona parta hai tumhari nazaron mein jo ‘zaroorat se jyada sensitive nature’. hai shayad. tume toh yuh mehasoos kiya ‘romance ke is pehloo ko le kar bhi mujhe aapki soch bahut shallow lagi’.Main Aur zyada apni nazm ko explain nahi karma chahata aur nahi khod ko siddh karma chahata hun….ab aur nahi…

naturica said...

औरत हो जाने के कई अन्य फायदे भी हैं जैसे आदमी से ज्यादा अटेन्सन ,गाड़ी वाडी में अच्छी सीट ,बेवज़ह तारीफ इत्यादि जो हमें नहीं नसीब. नज़्म बहुत खूबसूरत है . नारीवादी प्रजाति को शायद औरत की लाइफ आसान कहना खले

saurabh said...

khayal achchha hai, use koi dosh nahi de raha. Mai ek honest opinion doon, ap jab kuchh chhota likhte ho tab tak bahut achchha lagta hai, par kuchh bada sa likhte ho to maza nahi aata. Koshish to sadaiv karni chahiye, par improvements bhi nahi dikhti. Asha hai ki aapko bura na lage.
Is kavita ke baare mein kehna chahoonga. Ye kavita agar koi aisa likhe jise zyada gehraayee mein naari jeevan ko samajhne mein utna enthusiasm nahi hai, par khud ke jeevan se jo bored ho chuka ho, is kavita ki khoobsoorati badhayegi. Art to freedom of expression hai, so agar aapne ise likha to bahut achchhi baat hai, kyunki zaroori nahi kisi vishay mein agar likho to use samajhne mein bhi utna hi saksham ho. Immaturish (mai ise different perspective bhi kehna chahunga) hona kisi vishay pe ek alag khoobsurati deti hai vichaaron ko. Strictly is kavita ke baare mein boloon to quality utni achchhi nahi ki aise debates kiye ja sake, par ek achchha attempt tha. Par aapne jo claim kiya ki ye spontatneous thoughts hain, wo bhaav achchhe se nahi aa paya, aapke shabdon ka chayan bahut hi inconsistent hai khoobsoorati ke mamle mein, aur ek personality nahi dikhta. Vichaaron mein zaroor dikhta hai par shabdon mein nahi. Aur ek baat to bahut spashta dikhti hai, aapme ego bahut hai. Aapne jin cheezon ko imagine kiya hai wo bahut hi ulte hain aapke nature se, jisse ye prateet hota hai ki aapki priority is bhaav ka kavita ke roop mein hona zyada zaroori hai jabki mujhe lagta hai ki us bhaav mein bilkul doob jaane ki avashyakta hai jo aapka nature kam se kam is kavita mein nahi karne de rhi hai. Aur mai jaise jaise ye likh rha hoon mujhe ye lag rha hai shayad aapme yehi kami hai. Aapko vichaaron mein doobne ki kshamta badhani hogi, tab shayad shabd baadha nahi rahegi, aur na hi nazm ki length pe dhyaan jaayega. Aur kisi bhi criticism pe aapka itna defensive hona bhi achchha nahi hai, zaroori nahi ki ghalib hi paida ho, par agar aap criticism ko sahi tarah se nahi lenge to improvement nahi hoga. Aapka is baat ka kehna ki "It’s just a thought or feeling of someone in certain state of mind, it’s not a verdict in court, it just an imagination" bahut bada roda ho sakta hai aapke nature mein. And after all its about being a good artist, its about being a good person.
Itna yaad rakhna ki kisi ek cheez ka varnan karne ke liye jaise bahut saare shabd hote hain, kuchh ka istemaal nazm mein kiya jata hai aur kuchh ka gaaliyon mein, waise hi ek khayal ko roop dene ke kayee tareeke hain, agar Kiran ko apatti hui hai to shayad ye mumkin hai ki aapke express karne ke tareeke mein kuchh ho sakta hai...............
Hope u dont mind watever I have written but think bout it positively...........

Vishal Khemka said...

What crap have u written in your comments here dude! I mean wat do u want to prove? I read ur poem and had my opinions, 13 comment created so much of anxiety, and wat I find is so much of smelliest shit! I guess saurabh has hit the bulls eye. I found it very difficult to understand what he meant, so I gave a more careful read to almost all ur poems again and now it makes so much of sense. Stop being so defensive and stubborn. Ur learning seems to have stopped at very early age and ur poems reflects whatever u have read (I m sure it Gulzaar mostly)

@Saurabh
dude, do u write as well? Wat observations! It was really difficult for me to understand and I had to give very slow read to watever u have written. I like the analogy in the end about words wid same meanings used differently (nazm and gaali). Cud u give me link to ur works pls.

Haridarshan Resort said...

Mukul Bhai!
Great lines, keep writing... Etna clarification dene ki jarurat nahi thi, kyoki mujhe lagta hai jisne bhi criticize kiya hai wo personally aapse bias rakhta hai, aise logo ko aap bachchan, nirala, dusyant kumar ya dinkar ki paktiya bhi apne naam se sunayenge to wo esme bhi galtiya nikal hi lenge.
en lines se poet ke man ki gahraiyo nd samwedanshilta prakat hoti hai.
....kavitaye vyaktigat anubhutiya hai... aur kavi ke mann ka maulik vichar hoti hai. Esme half of the world (Masculine) se connect kar kisi par dosharopan karna bilkul galat hai.
Maine aapki kuch aur creations bhi padi... aur kah sakta hu aapke lekhan mai wo gahraiya hai, jo achche sahityakar mai hoti hai.
Keep Writing

Haridarshan Resort said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Haridarshan Resort said...
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saanjh said...

saw a couple of deleted comments at the bottom...hope mine wont be deleted ;)

well, im saanjh. a long lost saanjh. u dont kno me, and of course, main bhi nahin jaanti aapko. par yaad aa raha hai kaaaafi waqt pehle maine swapnil ji se aisi ek nazm ka ziqr suna tha. honestly dont kno ye wahi hai kya. ..

par u kno wut, its kinda really nice. aapki imagination kaafi acchi hai. of course har aurat ki life aisi nahin hoti jaisi aapne describe ki hai. mard ki tarha naukri karke, responsibility utha ke bhi dekh chuki hoon. aur ab, ek mard ke 'aadesh' ki wajah se sab chod ke ek housewife ki tarha bhi ji rahi hoon, aur life aapki nazm jaise billlkul bhi nahin hai. ita a lottt more difficult than this. lekin aapki ek aur nazm padhi thi..chup si rehti ho...
that is enough to prove that u are'nt unaware of a real 'aurat' ki zindagi. so agar aap khud ko imagine karte ho ek happy housewife ki tarha, to acchi baat hai. its a whole new dimention...its great. i dont think it needs all that controversy...

like ur idea pal....acchi nazm hai...
:)

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